Shine On Blog by Dr. Kate

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Thank You Veterans

Today is Veterans Day, as you are all aware. In my work over the years with different populations, I have been most appreciative of those who serve our country and those who stand by their side in service. Military veterans and their families are selfless, resilient, and adaptable people who put their own needs and futures aside and provide safety and freedom for our country.

During graduate school, my dissertation and research was based on military family members because I was amazed at the women and men who were able to give in such an altruistic way. Most of the research was concentrated on caretakers of children in the home during a paternal deployment.
The results found that healthy attachment patterns, as in a healthy and functional relationship in marriage, provided resilient children, decreased negative behaviors due to deployed parents, and a stronger ability for service members to mentally withstand deployment. In less psychological jargon, this means that those in the military typically have healthy and stable relationships in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle in their family system, especially during deployment.

It is truly a special person who will move, uproot his or her life, deploy, and continuously commit to something for the greater good of our country and lives of those he or she will never know. It is truly a special person who will selflessly put a spouses career in front of his or her own wants of the future because of the selfless commitment their spouse has made. These men and women sacrifice over and over again. We are thankful for you. We appreciate you. And we are grateful to you. Thank you for your service.

Shine on,

Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate Cummins is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based out of Los Angeles, California. I am now accepting new patients in my private practice and through Skype (telehealth). Please look at my website, www.drkatecummins.com and contact me with any questions you may have (424)488-9973 or drkatecummins@gmail.com. This information is meant for education and knowledge expansion. This blog post is not a form of mental health treatment or individual clinical work.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Life's Difficult Situations and How to Handle Them- LIVESTRONG.COM

Check out my featured article on LIVESTRONG.COM to learn about difficult situations we deal with in life and how to handle them in effective and positive ways.

http://www.livestrong.com/slideshow/1011586-11-lifes-difficult-situations-handle/

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Suicide.

So much of the time, we start by celebrating. We celebrate the birth of a child. We celebrate the beginning of the day. We celebrate the first day of school, the beginning of a relationship, the start of something new. And then things move forward. There is a middle. And then they come to a close.

Today is the last day of September. This month has been National Suicide Prevention Awareness month. I've been waiting to write about this topic for some time on this blog. It has taken so many futures away from people that I know. It has robbed my patients from beginnings, celebrations, and going. It has taken away people from my friends and their family members that have never felt a hole in their soul as greatly as they do after suicide enters their lives.

What I keep coming back to, are the eyes that I look into after our world has lost someone to suicide. And the loved ones that sit, in silence, in shock, in quiet. The left behind. The ones who start the painful journey of living without.

Do you know the number one concern of licensed clinical psychologists is losing a patient to suicide during their career? Do you know what that means? That the people who are turned to for help, are absolutely just as human as the person who is touched by suicide. They are just as afraid that this person will leave our world. Because in this profession, we are taught crisis intervention, warning signs, risk factors, screening questions, and we still don’t have enough.

Suicide is sensitive. It’s a dance that convinces those it takes that it will always win in the mind. That this person isn’t deserving, will never be happy, will never be okay, will never be “normal”, will never, ever just be. It takes the mind's of beautiful humans captive. It’s a secretive, seductive, stranger that will always try to win.

Walking the journey of grief hand in hand with close friends, family members, and the families of a few patients I have had in the past, I always go back to this:

Would suicide win if everyone truly knew and felt love? What could we have done as a support network, a family system, a culture to rise up together, and beat suicide? How could love win?

And how could we all teach one another to believe: You are enough.

Day after day, hour after hour, I sit with people who have stories just like yours. And they are in pain. They have perhaps been touched by the seductive stranger that suicide presents itself to be.

I call you today, to recognize that we are at the end of the month that raises awareness of suicide in our culture. But this is just the start.

If you are hurting and you have secrets, please, entrust this information with someone that loves you. Someone that finds you enough. There are people out in the world that are made to build you up and to love you. Find them. Know them. Be one of them.

If you are hurting because you have seen the devastation first hand of this destruction: Stand up. Love yourself. And watch for those around you who may be feeling this seductive stranger dance near them.

There is no “cure” for suicide. There is no answer. There is no one reason that supersedes all reasons on why or how come or what made someone fall to the lies that suicide gives out.

I believe that if we lived in a world where being yourself was truly enough, if everyone, every single one of us, celebrated in the beginning, the middle, the mundane, and the end of each part of every human we come in contact with, we would have the opportunity to fight off the sensitive dance that suicide does in the mind’s of those it captures.

To be enough. To know you are enough. Would that be enough? I don’t know. But we can at least continue trying.

“Love is an infinite victory.”

It is. And it always wins.

You are enough.

Shine On,

Dr. Kate

Please note these resources for suicide awareness and suicide prevention. Suicide is the third leading cause of death of young people. If you are in need of immediate clinical emergency services, please go to your nearest Emergency Room or call 911. If you are in need of services, please use these resources:

National Suicide Hotline: 1(800)273-TALK (8255) for help and crisis information

NAMI Helpline: 1(800)950-NAMI (6264) for referrals and other information

National Alliance of Mental Illnesses www.nami.org/suicideawarenessmonth

Friday, September 11, 2015

9/11 Never Forget

Days like this day make us raw forms of our human selves. On this day, you have woken up, brushed your teeth, picked out your clothes, busily made breakfast, drank coffee, checked your phone, grabbed your belongings, maybe grabbed your kids, gotten one last kiss from your significant other, and ran out the door.

So much of human time is mundane. We walk through life operating on schedules, placing ourselves in rhythm with expectations that others have set for us. Your time clock is awaiting for you to check in, your boss has a meeting scheduled, and your children have a bell that rings for their presence.

And then you pause. You recognize the date. You shut your eyes, close out the world, go back to the place where you were in the time that 9/11/2001 hit all of our hearts around the nation.

You sit, you reflect, and you feel pain. You think of the loss and the tragedy. You think of the futures of human lives that were taken away, the relationships that disappeared, the love and the human connection that has been lost.

You hold those thoughts in your head. You think of those directly affected. You think of those who you do not know, the heroes that were formed, the indescribable amount of togetherness that occurred on this day as our nation rose up from the ashes and started to build back together again.

Keep reflecting. Keep feeling. Keep letting this pain and these feelings and those thoughts circle in your present.

This togetherness, your emotional response to the sadness that this reflective day forever holds in our hearts:

This Is Who We Are.

This is what we are really made of. Emotion. The ability to feel. The ability to hold others in our hearts. We will continue to rise up from ashes, and never, ever, ever forget.

Shine On,

Dr. Kate Cummins

Friday, August 28, 2015

How To Be Popular

Most Americans under 18 have put on new clothes, filled backpacks high of supplies, awaited the bus on the corner, and entered the hallways of school over the last few weeks. That's right, it's Back to School time.
Reflecting on this time of year, it is easy to put yourself back in these shoes- the changes, the nerves, the challenges. The most difficult pieces to navigate by far are the social pressures and networking that happen in groups of same-aged peers.
But let's be honest, social ability and human interaction don't stop at high school graduation. As adults, we continue network navigation. Being liked is a desire that is innately born within due to our need for attachment with others.
So, let's talk popularity. How can you be popular?
1. Be Genuine
There is nothing more enticing in a person than someone who is confident, secure in their own self-worth, and stable. If you are genuine in who you are, people will see something within and gravitate towards the comfort that you provide.
2. Be Kind
The definition of Kind includes a group of people who have a shared quality with one another. Being Kind allows people to connect. Being Kind provides the opportunity to share. Being Kind gives opportunity for network. So be Kind.
3. Be Honest
Just do it. Be honest. There are an estimated 7 billion people on this planet. If you are honest with yourself, and enjoy spending time with someone, invest your energy. If you find yourself hiding the truth, figure out the reasons for this, and change your behavior. No one enjoys false information.
4. Be Loving
People will never, ever, ever forget how you make them feel. Fill them with respect, affection, tenderness, and love. You both win.
5. Be YOU
You are amazing. You are awesome. You are unique. And you are the only one that is you. You are enough. Just as you are. So just be you.

Being popular is a desired trait. And it's not rocket science. Go be these things, you already are. If you find that some people don't receive you well, remember, there are 7 billion others that are waiting to make you popular in their eyes.

Shine On,

Dr. Kate

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

... On Personal Growth. This Blog is for YOU. Drop what You're Doing. Read it.

Alright. You are a person who has dealt with change. You are in transition. You are experiencing newness. You are experiencing growth. It sucks. It is hard. And it is painful. It may be really great to read all of those inspiring quotes on instagram about caterpillars becoming butterflies, growth in transition, working for what you want in order to become a successful, amazing BOSS of your life.

But let’s just get real here. This stuff is hard. It is rough. It is painful. And you have to work.

Sometimes, working is not fun and sometimes you just have no energy to do so. When you have lost yourself, or lost motivation, or changes have come your way that are too much to take on, you may find yourself stuck. You may find yourself feeling like you can’t move because if you go a little to the left or a little to the right, you may hit your breaking point.

So. What?!? What is so scary about hitting this breaking point? Are you afraid of your own tears because you are stressed? Or are you afraid that you aren’t strong enough? Are you afraid that this change in your life is going to be too difficult to handle? What is the absolute worst thing that can happen to you?

Are you afraid that there may be a hole in your life or in your heart if you take the leap, make the jump, make a move? It’s scary. It’s unknown. And it’s out of your control.

Changes and transformations in our lives are scary because we can’t hold onto them. We can’t grasp control of them. We can’t guarantee that they are going to make us happy or feel good or feel even human.

Have you ever felt sadness before? Have you ever had to change something and it be a really difficult thing to do? What was the outcome?

If you have no change, no transition, no newness, no growth, you become accustomed to what you’ve got. The lines begin to blur, you get comfortable, and you get stuck.

Holes are hard to repair. Pain is challenging to face. Fears are difficult to overcome. But you have what it takes to move. You deserve the opportunity to feel good. You deserve to feel loved and important and strong.

And sometimes, the only way to really feel strong, is to face that change right in the face, even if it’s going to make you have a hole.

Someone, somewhere, something, someplace, will come along, and help you fill that hole up. It will help you change. That move that you were scared of, that relationship you were afraid of getting out of, those people you wanted to challenge, they will help you realize that you are becoming.

We are all becoming. And you are worth every piece of the product of the change and transition in your life. Because you will find wholeness in trusting in yourself and embracing every bit of you.

Shine On,

Dr. Kate

Monday, August 3, 2015

The Grass Isn't Greener: Social Media and Perception of Others

Perception of others is a nasty little trick that we play on ourselves. I was asked to write a column for a local newspaper about social media and the impact that it has on teens, but have realized that it is a common theme for us all. And here is why: It is easy to make judgment on someone else’s life based on your own interpretation of their experience when they share something on the internet for you to see.

As humans, our brains are ever processing, ever moving, and ever interpreting at a quick speed. If you don’t believe me, think about the words that you are reading right now. Your brain is quickly scanning, processing the words, interpreting the semantics of them, and making sense of the message. You are also in the midst of your office, or your home, and if you were to look up, you would start to see objects such as a lamp, table, pens, your cell phone, etc. But until these things have been pointed out, your brain has just allowed them to sit in the external flow of your thoughts.

So you are focused on what you see in these words, and not so much on the external pieces of things that are going on around you. That is similar to what perception of others is like. When someone places a picture on social media, they are placing information that they want others to take in and interpret about their experience. And so you do. You see a perfectly put together person with a smile on his or her face, doing something that looks like a lot of fun.

Whatever you perceive to be happening in this picture, is what you choose to hold onto. And so you may see someone who has it all figured out, perfectly put together, something to strive for or make your own life similar to.

DON’T. Your brain is tricking you. Because you are filling in the gap of knowledge with your own ideas rather than what is true about this person, and what they are really experiencing. Just like your brain is filling in the gaps around you with this post, your thoughts, in social comparison, start filling in the pieces of what you believe to be true in that perfectly posed picture.

And so you begin comparison. And your perspective of their happiness, their fun, their personality, their social connection, it all becomes a desire that you strive for, THAT YOU HAVE MADE UP IN YOUR HEAD. Because unfortunately, your perception about others is not really a good friend. And actually, your perception is normally pretty inaccurate. And your perception of things going on around you is normally pretty wrong unless you focus on the truth, which generally you know nothing about.

Have you ever heard that expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side?” It’s not. It’s your perception of the grass. And I bet both pieces of grass are equally as green.

So instead of focusing in your perception of what everyone else is doing, get out there, water your own grass, and make it the greenest you can possibly get it to be.

Shine on,

Dr. Kate