How To Be Popular

            Most Americans under 18 have put on new clothes, filled backpacks high of supplies, awaited the bus on the corner, and entered the hallways of school over the last few weeks. That's right, it's Back to School time. 
           Reflecting on this time of year, it is easy to put yourself back in these shoes- the changes, the nerves, the challenges. The most difficult pieces to navigate by far are the social pressures and networking that happen in groups of same-aged peers. 
           But let's be honest, social ability and human interaction don't stop at high school graduation. As adults, we continue network navigation. Being liked is a desire that is innately born within due to our need for attachment with others. 
            So, let's talk popularity. How can you be popular? 
1. Be Genuine
           There is nothing more enticing in a person than someone who is confident, secure in their own self-worth, and stable. If you are genuine in who you are, people will see something within and gravitate towards the comfort that you provide.  
2. Be Kind
           The definition of Kind includes a group of people who have a shared quality with one another. Being Kind allows people to connect. Being Kind provides the opportunity to share. Being Kind gives opportunity for network. So be Kind.
3. Be Honest
           Just do it. Be honest. There are an estimated 7 billion people on this planet. If you are honest with yourself, and enjoy spending time with someone, invest your energy. If you find yourself hiding the truth, figure out the reasons for this, and change your behavior. No one enjoys false information. 
4. Be Loving
           People will never, ever, ever forget how you make them feel. Fill them with respect, affection, tenderness, and love. You both win.
5. Be YOU
           You are amazing. You are awesome. You are unique. And you are the only one that is you. You are enough. Just as you are. So just be you. 
           
           Being popular is a desired trait. And it's not rocket science. Go be these things, you already are. If you find that some people don't receive you well, remember, there are 7 billion others that are waiting to make you popular in their eyes. 

Shine On, 

Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate Cummins is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based out of Los Angeles, California. I am now accepting new patients in my private practice and through Skype (telehealth). Please look at my website, www.drkatecummins.com and contact me with any questions you may have (424)488-9973 or drkatecummins@gmail.com. This information is meant for education and knowledge expansion. This blog post is not a form of mental health treatment or individual clinical work.

... On Personal Growth. This Blog is for YOU. Drop what You're Doing. Read it.

  Alright. You are a person who has dealt with change. You are in transition. You are experiencing newness. You are experiencing growth. It sucks. It is hard. And it is painful. It may be really great to read all of those inspiring quotes on instagram about caterpillars becoming butterflies, growth in transition, working for what you want in order to become a successful, amazing BOSS of your life.

But let’s just get real here. This stuff is hard. It is rough. It is painful. And you have to work.

Sometimes, working is not fun and sometimes you just have no energy to do so. When you have lost yourself, or lost motivation, or changes have come your way that are too much to take on, you may find yourself stuck. You may find yourself feeling like you can’t move because if you go a little to the left or a little to the right, you may hit your breaking point.

So. What?!? What is so scary about hitting this breaking point? Are you afraid of your own tears because you are stressed? Or are you afraid that you aren’t strong enough? Are you afraid that this change in your life is going to be too difficult to handle? What is the absolute worst thing that can happen to you?

Are you afraid that there may be a hole in your life or in your heart if you take the leap, make the jump, make a move? It’s scary. It’s unknown. And it’s out of your control.

Changes and transformations in our lives are scary because we can’t hold onto them. We can’t grasp control of them. We can’t guarantee that they are going to make us happy or feel good or feel even human.

Have you ever felt sadness before? Have you ever had to change something and it be a really difficult thing to do? What was the outcome?

If you have no change, no transition, no newness, no growth, you become accustomed to what you’ve got. The lines begin to blur, you get comfortable, and you get stuck.

Holes are hard to repair. Pain is challenging to face. Fears are difficult to overcome. But you have what it takes to move. You deserve the opportunity to feel good. You deserve to feel loved and important and strong.

And sometimes, the only way to really feel strong, is to face that change right in the face, even if it’s going to make you have a hole.

Someone, somewhere, something, someplace, will come along, and help you fill that hole up. It will help you change. That move that you were scared of, that relationship you were afraid of getting out of, those people you wanted to challenge, they will help you realize that you are becoming.

We are all becoming. And you are worth every piece of the product of the change and transition in your life. Because you will find wholeness in trusting in yourself and embracing every bit of you. 

Shine On,

Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate Cummins is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based out of Los Angeles, California. I am now accepting new patients in my private practice and through Skype (telehealth). Please look at my website, www.drkatecummins.com and contact me with any questions you may have (424)488-9973 or drkatecummins@gmail.com. This information is meant for education and knowledge expansion. This blog post is not a form of mental health treatment or individual clinical work.

The Grass Isn't Greener: Social Media and Perception of Others

           Perception of others is a nasty little trick that we play on ourselves. I was asked to write a column for a local newspaper about social media and the impact that it has on teens, but have realized that it is a common theme for us all. And here is why: It is easy to make judgment on someone else’s life based on your own interpretation of their experience when they share something on the internet for you to see.

           As humans, our brains are ever processing, ever moving, and ever interpreting at a quick speed. If you don’t believe me, think about the words that you are reading right now. Your brain is quickly scanning, processing the words, interpreting the semantics of them, and making sense of the message. You are also in the midst of your office, or your home, and if you were to look up, you would start to see objects such as a lamp, table, pens, your cell phone, etc. But until these things have been pointed out, your brain has just allowed them to sit in the external flow of your thoughts.

           So you are focused on what you see in these words, and not so much on the external pieces of things that are going on around you. That is similar to what perception of others is like. When someone places a picture on social media, they are placing information that they want others to take in and interpret about their experience. And so you do. You see a perfectly put together person with a smile on his or her face, doing something that looks like a lot of fun.

           Whatever you perceive to be happening in this picture, is what you choose to hold onto. And so you may see someone who has it all figured out, perfectly put together, something to strive for or make your own life similar to.

           DON’T. Your brain is tricking you. Because you are filling in the gap of knowledge with your own ideas rather than what is true about this person, and what they are really experiencing. Just like your brain is filling in the gaps around you with this post, your thoughts, in social comparison, start filling in the pieces of what you believe to be true in that perfectly posed picture. 

           And so you begin comparison. And your perspective of their happiness, their fun, their personality, their social connection, it all becomes a desire that you strive for, THAT YOU HAVE MADE UP IN YOUR HEAD. Because unfortunately, your perception about others is not really a good friend. And actually, your perception is normally pretty inaccurate. And your perception of things going on around you is normally pretty wrong unless you focus on the truth, which generally you know nothing about.

           Have you ever heard that expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side?” It’s not. It’s your perception of the grass. And I bet both pieces of grass are equally as green. 

           So instead of focusing in your perception of what everyone else is doing, get out there, water your own grass, and make it the greenest you can possibly get it to be.

Shine on,

Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate Cummins is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based out of Los Angeles, California. I am now accepting new patients in my private practice and through Skype (telehealth). Please look at my website, www.drkatecummins.com and contact me with any questions you may have (424)488-9973 or drkatecummins@gmail.com. This information is meant for education and knowledge expansion. This blog post is not a form of mental health treatment or individual clinical work.