ROOMination (Rumination)- Renting Out Room/Thoughts In Your Head

           First off, thank you for reading this blog. Do you know that in the last two weeks that it has launched, over 675 people have clicked their mouse and read away? Did you know that people in America, Canada, Spain, France, the United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Kenya, and Poland have clicked to read? Thank you, thank you so very much. Keep knowledge sharing and spread the words to anyone you know who need them.

           Now- onto today’s subject- Rumination. Do you ever find yourself completely locked into a certain topic? Do you ever feel like you can’t stop thinking about the same thing over, and over, and over again? Like perhaps a time in your life when your boss told you that she was disappointed in your work or you said something you didn’t mean to say to your husband, and then you found yourself replaying the situation again and again in your head? And maybe when you finally felt like it was all under control, because you finally were able to concentrate on the presentation you have to give tomorrow in front of 50 people at work, one reminder of that same little topic pops back into your head and you’re back to spinning in the chaos again? 

           This, my friends, is called rumination. It is the focus and repetitive thinking about causes, factors, and consequences of negative emotional experiences (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). It is the continuous attention to upsetting and unpleasant details.

           It is the giving up of space in your thoughts to allow negativity to take over and take control. Thus, I have renamed it rOOmination, and here’s why. 

            Think about your brain as a house. In your home, you get to decorate it, live in it, and use the space as you want. If you were to rent your house out or let people come stay in it, you would be pretty selective on who got to rest their heads on the pillows in your beds. You would hope that they would treat your house with respect. And you would background check the heck out of them if they were renters.

           Now, why oh why would you allow this to be any different in your head? Your brain and your thoughts that flow from this brain of yours are the most important aspects of you. Your brain allows you to put thoughts into things that you want to. If you are allowing your brain to continue to rOOminate, you are giving it the power to decorate bright pink walls when you want gray, or put in a vintage brown-shag carpet on the ground when we clearly are not in the 70’s anymore. 

           You have the control. If you are aware. And we will talk mindfulness in blog posts soon to come. So pay attention to the rOOminating, grab your paintbrush (or thoughts) and decide what color (or thoughts) you want to live in. When you find yourself rOOminating, remember, you wouldn’t allow negative people in your special space, so you should be selective about the special space in your brain. Choose loving thoughts, choose progress, choose change. Paint your brain the color that you want, and enjoy the process. 

Shine On,

Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate Cummins is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based out of Los Angeles, California. I am now accepting new patients in my private practice and through Skype (telehealth). Please look at my website, www.drkatecummins.com, and contact me with any questions you may have (424)488-9973, drkatecummins@gmail.com. This information is meant for education and knowledge expansion. This blog post is not a form of treatment or individual clinical work.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (1991). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504-511. doi:10.1037//0021-843X.109.3.504

Father's Day Without A Father

           This Sunday is Father’s Day. Most people will celebrate their dads, give them signs of affection, gift a golf lesson or new tool, take them out to dinner, and find ways to show their dad- I am grateful for you. If you have this in your life, enjoy every single minute on Sunday. Relish and delight in the time you have with your father.

           There are others on this day, who will wake up with anxiety, hide in their covers under the roof of their houses, try not to move, and try to run away from the pain. You see, for those who do not have a father to celebrate, this day is a painful reminder of the struggle of being without. 

           In the psychology world, we tend to tell our patients to pay attention to behaviors and thoughts during holidays because people get easily triggered by the loss of their loved one, whether it be the birthday, death anniversary, wedding day, national holiday, graduation day, etc, etc, etc. Do you see? This is a constant hamster wheel. The year is jam packed of holidays to run from. Most people who have lost someone move through the motions of the first year of their loss. Thoughts tell them, “if I can just get to the next place, if I can just make it past my dad’s birthday, father’s day, my graduation…” But what happens on this hamster wheel is the reality that you exhaust without ever being able to get off.

           When loss and grief set in, the five stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are used as tools by a person to cope, they are processed, they are moved through, but they do not bring an end. That is the most difficult thing about loss and grief- there is no end. 

           There is a new change, a new direction, a new normal. But sometimes, as you finally start to feel like you are moving into a new normal that you can function in with your loss, a new trigger pops up. The pain of the loss of your dad tumbles straight forward, directly back in your direction. And you find yourself back in the memories of the day you got the phone call, the moment your mom showed up at work to tell you that he was no longer around, the time in your life when everything stopped, and you no longer had him. It was gone, all of it. That is what these type of holidays can do to you. They have the capacity to knock the wind out of you, and leave you running back to your hiding spot from the world.

           For those of you wanting to hide under your covers tomorrow- you are not alone. Your pain is real, it is true, but it does not have to define you. It does not have to be who you are. You are more than the pain you keep. And your dad is proud of you, wherever he is, for becoming the person you’ve become. I am thinking of all of you, those with and those without, on this holiday in which we celebrate by saying, “Happy Father’s Day.” 

           Sometimes refusing happy is exactly where you need to be. You are in my thoughts. And you are not alone.

Shine On,

Dr. Kate

If you are interested in connecting with Dr. Kate to learn more about being a patient in my private practice, please contact me, www.drkatecummins.com.

Information from this blog post is meant to improve your education and understanding, this is not treatment or clinical work.

FEEL

           Pain. My heart is in absolute pain this morning after hearing about the tragedy that occurred yesterday in Charleston. And my heart cries for those who have lost loved ones to other tragedies that have happened in the world. I feel heartbroken for the aftermath of what is to come for the friends, loved ones, and family members of those who have been taken too soon.

This is part of life. Loss. It is painful and difficult and people don’t know what to do with it or where to store it. It doesn’t make sense and it doesn't feel good. And it unfortunately becomes a part of the process that we go through on our journeys of being human. 

I can only imagine what the community in Charleston is waking up to this morning. The permanence has been removed from their lives, as they have started the process of a new normal for their path. Change that cannot be undone. Change that forever removes happiness.

As people, we have a package. We have stories about our lives that become who we are. We are given choices, we are given people to join us along the way, and we are given freedom to choose how to run our lives. And then reality hits. And something is taken away. For this particular instance, 9 lives have been taken away. And the lives that have been touched by these 9 people are forever changed. 

Pain is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with because there is nowhere for it to go. Most of my patients come into the office with eyes full of pain. Their tears quickly overflow when the emotion becomes too much to handle, and they let go. They cry for how it feels to have loss and they cry for how it feels to not have closure. They cry because sometimes on the other end of tears there is a small time to feel numb. And feeling numb gives the space to release pain.

This feeling is hard. Its difficult. And it leaves humans raw. It leaves us vulnerable. I feel for Charleston. I feel for our community. I feel for humankind. I feel for you. I feel for the struggles that most are going through in their daily lives with loss. The healthiest thing to do with pain is to feel it. Feel it, release it, and let it go.

Shine On,
Dr. Kate

If you are interested in connecting with Dr. Kate to learn more about being a patient in my private practice, please contact me, www.drkatecummins.com.

Information from this post was directly reported from the following source, and this blog post is meant to improve your education and understanding, this is not treatment or clinical work.

June Gloom- How Weather Affects Your Health

           Southern California is known for sunshine and impeccable weather nearly every day of the year. Those who live in this area of the country flock by the thousands from the East Coast and Midwest to get a taste of outdoors freedom. Thus, they don't have to experience the dreary days of fall, winter, and spring months unlike most of the United States. 

           However, we are 1/3 of the way into June, and have been struck with June Gloom. The days are overcast, the sun is no where in sight, and rain (what is rain again?) sometimes falls from the sky when we're sleeping. These days can help you fixate on the not so nice things in life, as you may find yourself waking up tired, your body may feel more lethargic, and your mood might be less than optimal. But have no fear, insight is here.

           Although the old terminology of Seasonal Affective Disorder is obsolete, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- Fifth Edition (DSM-5) includes a new diagnosis of Depressive Disorder with Seasonal Pattern. The symptoms of this diagnosis are as follows: depressed mood most of the day, diminish interest or pleasure in activities, weight loss or gain, insomnia or hypersomnia (inability to sleep or sleeping more than usual), fatigue and loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, concentration and attention difficulty (American Psychiatric Association, 20130). Now, I am not at all suggesting that June Gloom is providing you with a clear diagnosis, as there must be a seasonal pattern for at least 2 years that goes along with this diagnosis.

           But here is the point of this post: Environmental changes, lack of sunshine on a cloudy day, and this 'June Gloom' that sunny, Southern California friends are experiencing currently, can give you the blues. 

           If you are feeling slower than usual, if it's hard to wake up, if you are tired or having a hard time concentrating, don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes our bodies need the time to "reboot". So take this time, sink into bed with a book or netflix, or go on your usual run on the beach. Enjoy the change in weather, rather than look to it as a negative force in your life. 

           You can also combat your negative mood by increasing behavioral change- force yourself out the door to yoga, go sit at the coffee shop even though it's easier to relax in your kitchen. If you initiate activities that keep you moving, you are better equipped at continuing your regular pattern of life, and you will be able to get through to the other side. And by the way my friends, the other side is July, a month full of sunshine. 

Shine on,

Dr. Kate

If you are interested in connecting with Dr. Kate to learn more about being a patient in my private practice, please contact me, www.drkatecummins.com.

Information from this post was directly reported from the following source, and this blog post is meant to improve your education and understanding, this is not treatment or clinical work.

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and 
     statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: 
     Author.

The Merry-Go-Round of Cognitive Distortion

Do you ever feel like life is twirling around on a merry-go-round? Like your Mondays-Fridays are wished away, so you can just get to the weekend and relax? I have a friend who told me he gets the “Saturday blues” because he knows that Sunday is around the corner, and the work week will be upon him once again too soon.

The merry-go-round of life- 7 days, 24 hours to fill in each, 365 of these days in a year, and then it’s done all over again.

It’s a trap. Truly, if you think about its cyclical pattern, it’s a false sense of control. It’s man made. It’s an undefined movement in life that humans have made into something measurable. It’s easier to think this way, in measure, so we all listen to time, and we use it to structure our lives.

What if I told you that your thought pattern is similar to this merry-go-round of life?   From your beginnings on the planet, you are taught certain pieces of definition that you hold on to as truths of you.

            “I’m an athlete, I’m smart, I’m good at guitar, I’m handsome.” Maybe those are some thoughts that you have about yourself. Maybe those were the foundation of who you were as a child, and they are the truths that you hold onto today. 

           But what happens when there are not so nice cognitions that run through your head?

            “I’m a failure. I’m never good enough. I won’t succeed.”

           These types of cognitions are called cognitive distortions. Because even if they are true to the task at hand, they are not true for every single event or accomplishment that you are a part of or that you are trying to complete. 

          If you are someone who holds onto these cognitive distortions, you end up walking into whatever task you are supposed to accomplish with those evil little thoughts tugging at the back of your head. They keep a tight hold on you. And they may beat you to the finish line, proving themselves correctly, because they want to prove to you that they are stronger than you are.

            I was listening to the radio last night and Pink’s song “F***in’ Perfect” was on. She talks about this very thing in her lyrics-

• You’re so mean when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
• Change the voices in your head make them like you instead

          Even here, Pink, a human, talks psychology; she talks cognitive distortion, and she even has a solution. Change. Change the voices in your head and make them like you. Make those cognitions tell you who you want to be, “I am strong. I am bold. I am exactly who I am supposed to be.” Get that merry-go-round to listen to who you are and what you want to be. Take control of your own cognitive merry-go-round. 

          Oh, and try to enjoy the Mondays-Fridays, they aren’t so bad. After all, the time will pass regardless of what you’re thinking anyways.

Shine On,

Dr. Kate